Stalling

I have been stalling in writing this post since I wrote the post on my aunt.  The reason being that this post is that much harder emotionally; believe it or not! :-/

The story starts last March.  My mom had the opportunity to go back east to visit with her parents and siblings.  Unfortunately this was not initiated as a pleasure trip, but as a business trip.  You see my grandfather had dementia and had fallen sometime around February.  He was found by a neighbor by my grandmother's car (that had not been used for years).  He was taken to the hospital and eventually had surgery for a broken hip.  After much deliberation the siblings (my mom, aunts and uncles) all decided that it was no longer safe for my grandfather to live alone.  Upon discharge from the hospital my grandfather was brought to a nursing home/rehab for safety and strengthening.  The second most important decision that was made was that my grandparents home (affectionately known as Howard Ave) was to be sold.  Hence my mother's visit to help with the cleaning of her childhood home and also to take care of my grandfather as he was back in the hospital.

The stories that my mom tells of that time with her siblings and her father are so much fun to listen to, yet so difficult at the same time.  Stories of the treasures that were found.  Years of history remembered.  Also the opportunity and privilege that she had to pray with my grandfather for salvation!  On her birthday no less! :) 

One of the MANY hilarious stories from the April 2011 cleaning spree! :)
And no this doesn't look like what you think it is ;)

Time passed between her return in April and August.  Countless emails and phone calls concerning potential buyers, bills, and the care of my grandparents.  Finally a buyer was found in August and a closing date was set.  Then one Wednesday in the middle of August I received a phone call early in the morning from my father.  A phone call that I will never forget.  It was around 6am and my father choked out the words, "Grampy Estes passed away last night".  I can hear my mom crying in the background and sobs erupt from my throat.  Yes not very lady like sounding, but an eruption none-the-less.  As the news begins to sink in.  Thoughts of it can't be possible and I never got to say good-bye zooming around in my head.  Thankfully I didn't need to work that day as I walked around my condo like a zombie.  Throughout the rest of the week phone calls were made and plans finalized to head east for the funeral. 

The week that I got to spend in Massachusetts I am very grateful for as I felt like I was able to have complete closure.  Instead of a hotel the cousins and I got to sleep on the sun porch of Howard Ave.  Yes the house was devoid of most of the furniture that held most of the memories, but as we talked into the wee hours of the each night we realized that the memories lived in us. 

The Estes cousins! Yes we are a little crazy! :)

The memorial (I refuse to say funeral) was all Raymond Estes! :)  From the words that were spoken to the Little Debbie Snacks in front of the casket.  That may seem tacky to some, but if you are and Estes then you wouldn't have it any other way!  Finally Monday we got down to business as we cleaned Howard Ave from top to bottom preparing for closing the next week.  For myself that was the most important thing because I was able to finally say good-bye to Grampy.  It may seem weird because it's a house, but as I said before that house was so full of childhood memories that included Grampy that it was saying good-bye to him at the same time.  That was Ray's and Paulette's first and last house.  They had raised their children, grandchildren, and a great-grandchild there.  He had worked on that house, constantly making changes and improvements.  So really he was a part of that house. 

31 Howard Ave

Looking back now, a couple weeks from being 6 months later.  I can say that I miss my grandfather, but I haven't truly cried over his passing in a while.  I believe that I have achieved closure.  That was until Tuesday January 24th when Kevin and I found out that we are expecting.  Then the grieving began all over again.  Oh I didn't grieve for me and what I will miss, but for what my child will never get to experience.  Grampy will never get to meet my little one.  He will never get to spoil him/her with Little Debbie Snacks, Ellios, or candy.  He/she will never get to be held in his arms, dance around the kitchen on his feet, or listen to him sing Christmas carols.  I miss you Grampy!  I will make sure my child knows what an amazing man you were and all the wonderful memories! <3 Bethany Rae (oh and my middle name is from Grampy's nickname Ray) :)

Not the best picture, but the only one I have on my computer!
It's a miracle that he isn't wearing his FSU hat :)